For the WORK issue of The Nib, I made a 4-panel comic about the worst boss I’ve ever worked for: myself.
My guess is that most of us who work for ourselves quickly come to terms with how self-critical we are. For me, the high expectations I have of myself were always a gift. They motivated me to work harder, aim higher, and to persevere when nothing seemed to be working out. i saw my self-criticism as free mentorship towards self-improvement, and my ability to tolerate the rougher, unfiltered, and downright mean-spirited parts of myself as a strength.
It’s only within the last couple of years that I began to recognize my boss-self for what it actually is: a bully—with zero boundaries, and an ever-changing meter of success that is not only impossible to meet, but leaves me feeling ridiculous for even attempting to try.
This comic recognizes the moment when I realized that the person who hurts me the most….is me—along with my (ongoing) attempt to reconcile the divided parts of myself.
Many thanks to Eleri Harris and Matt Bors for their thoughtful edits and feedback—and for giving me a chance to contribute to this issue of The Nib. The WORK issue is available for purchase at The Nib.
Three Shooting Stars
Pen on bristol paper
Re-reading Tove Jansson and older Maurice Sendak compelled me to create a short comic in black ink lines, a style I never really engaged in before. I was surprised at how much my brain enjoyed the simplicity of using only one color and medium. I was able to focus on the movement from panel to panel, in subtle shifts, on building emotion.
The scratch scratch scratch of pen on bristol was satisfying, meditative in a way I remember only from years ago, before I worked for myself full-time, before illustration carried with it the pressures of stability, income, or impressing others. As I enter my second (and final) year of graduate school, I’m beginning to experiment less wildly and turn back to the methods that have always intrigued me: simple pencil or ink on paper, deliberate lines. In the past, I have always done more, more, more—searching for an answer haphazardly.
Nothing major has changed. No big breakthroughs or milestones, just a general settling of anxiety and acceptance of where I am in this journey. Now, the answers feel within reach. I still don’t see them, but I know they’re there. I still find myself trying to do more—without hiding under costumes of color and mixed media. Simple lines for simple textures that, when combined with a simple story…come together to do much more.
Learning to Float in My Own Body
A short comic about the parts of ourselves we try to push away, and what happens when we do. Fighting myself is a futile battle; despite whichever side wins, I always lose. I try to spend more time with what feels ugly and the parts of myself I’m tempted to push away. These are the more difficult parts of me, yes—but also the most beautiful and strange.
This comic was made using Faber Castell colored pencils on 11”x14” Stonehenge paper.